Being a Girl.!! What a blessing today..!

Being a Girl.!! What a blessing today..!

It brings me immense pleasure to share that I, along with 24 other WOMEN bloggers are celebrating #9daysofwomanhood throughout Navratri. I thank my friend and co-bloggerAnubhuti Sen Sharma for introducing me. I am a huge fan of her blog Cries and Laughter where she talks about her journey with her little one. Here is what she thinks of todays prompt.

I would like to introduce my readers to my friend & co-blogger Neha Sharma Her blog talks about interesting parenting mantras and her journey with her son NEMIT at Growing with Nemit and her blog about the prompt is here

The Prompt for today is ” Being a Woman in India in 2017 – a Positive take”

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Usually these days whenever I hear the newspaper scrolling up and landing in my balcony, a thought crosses over my head, “what next today!! , who is raped?!! Where is an infant girl found dead or where dowry burnt a bride. ”

As I was sipping my tea, sub consciously looking for the tragic news somewhere, one of 3 year old woke up and came to me, “MOM!! When is dad returning, is he not missing his dolls?” I hugged her tight to calm down and then I realised what a blessing it is to be a girl in this century. My husband is away for work and all he is missing at the other edge of the world are his little girls. Dads these days are so involved and attached with the kids.

Although there are so many more things like:

1. Win it with a cute innocent face…

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The moment we see something going against our hearts, all we need is a cute face gesture and deep pretty eyes.  Tadaa..!! its done exactly how we like it.

2. Smile and world is all yours…

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Bollywood talks about it, Men die for it and even oldies and kids fall for it. One smile and thats all we need to take over any battle. Well, truth is a smile is the most beautiful thing on a face. It heals a broken heart, it comforts a sad soul and it brightens up even a dead day.

3. DADS can go to any level to make their dolls happy:

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Yes..!! This is see everyday in my house. Be it getting his nails painted, Getting piggy tails on his head or even posing wth pouts, my husband is ready to go any level to be with his girls and making them happy. Lets face the truth girls and daddy love is like most pretty thing to see and admire.

4. We can do anything on the name of FEMINISM and Women Empowerment:

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Feminism is a term gearing up a lot in past few years and trust me, we can do whatever we want under its cover. From partying late night to beating up a man – its all empowerment and feminism of course. Beware you GUYS..!!

5. NAVARATRI n we are literally the GODESSES:

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Well i have been super excited always  through the NAVRATRIS and now so are my girls. All elders bowing down , gifting and all those Maa Durga feel is so empowering itself. The kids learn about traditions with much more interest as they know they are earning it too.

6. Gone are Cinderella Days

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Girls are brought up in entirely different ways today. No more cinderellas crying for a night out and no more beuties wiating for the prince. Its the time of ANNA n ELSA who can win over everything without the Men holding them eeven.

Well!! even though the day started with heavy heart, we still managed to take it through with counting out blessings. I have always loved to be a girl and so i am raising my girls. being proud, confident and happy for what privileged times they are born in.

India Today is far better country for a girl. We are heard, talked to and have an opinion to present.

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Mid Life Crises in women…

Mid Life Crises in women…

“I don’t know anything anymore. Is that normal? Is it normal to notice the enormity of everything and just go blank?”
― A.M. Homes


20 Years back when a young girl entered her gradutaion the class, boys were all awstruck for she was smart, intelligent, witty and aspiring. Same girl today is about to turn 40 and the girls behing her are entering the phase she used to rule. This makes her insecure, worried and somewhere envious. Thats how Mid-Life Crises is defined.

When a woman enters her 30s, she still owns the same charm topped by the wisdom and maturity. We see getting ourselves settled and many of us enjoy kids growing up and achieveng own milestones.

By the time they enter their 40’s, many women lose their taste for proving themselves, some call it contentment, some take it as surrender to their life situations. In both the cases, life gives enough reasons to question our own identity.

 

REASONS IT HITS:

There are certain reasons our great psycologists tried finding out…

  • The signs of ageing start hitting a little
  • Sometimes the partners become too busy with their own engagements.
  • For some, kids grow up and get out of virtual womb.
  • Lack of achievement of personal Goals.
  • Lack of energy and physical strength.
  • Friends and family both get engaged in their own worlds.
  • Friends or co workers becoming more successful in life.

 

SIGNS OF MID LIFE CRISES:

  • Asking yourself too many deep questions:

“I think one of the things that can happen and identify the onset of a midlife crisis is feeling ill-fit for the life you’re leading,” says Dr. Ludwig. “There’s a tendency to stop and pause during midlife and question whether you’re on the right track.”

In other words, when we start questioning and doubting the place where we exist in life.

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  • Comparing your self with the past:

Taking down the memories and being regretful for things you decided once or the life you are leading is one big and not so good sign of Mid-Life crises. This one thing often leads to depression and a sense of non accomplishment.

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  • Comparing yourself with friends and collegues:

When you know your collegues/friends/cousins are doing quite well in life and you are not so OK to accept it. Comparing  yourself with them in a way that you start feeling less valuable. Doubting ourself for being good enough.

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  • When you feel a sudden urge to get back in shape and look as smart and pretty as your younger selves. Though there is not much wrong in this if you try to get fit BUT if its turning to an obsession and you are loosing your mind over it, its alarming.
  • A constant feeling of Self Doubt and negative Self Image:

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Doubting self confidence, feeling less beautiful or less liked, insecurities with spouse and/or work, friends and other relations as well is what defines midlife crises too and something that usually leads up to depression.

Why is it neccessary to identify and get over it..!!

Yes it is very important to identify if you are dealing with Mid-Life crises as they hold a big chunk of our minds to feel bad about ourselves and the world as well. Sometimes in the crisis, we start evaluating the aspects that no longer make place in our lives. Spoiling our time and senses for something not worth anymore doesnt sound so good.

HOW TO OVERCOME 

  • Having like minded people around works really good if thats an option.
  • Try to realise the fact every wound doesnt turn to Septic.
  • Give your life an audit and count the blessings.
  • Talk to someone or better get help.
  • Try and re-analyse your achievable goals.

In quest of self Identity once again, we sometimes tend to loose ourselves. Mid Life crises is one of such situations. The only way out is to overcome it with realising self worth and counting out million blessings.

This post is a part of the #womenwellness blogathon. We have some wonderful bloggers write about topics like periods, breast cancer, PCOS and other women centric issues that are sometimes hushed or even considered taboo

Our previous blogger in the series was Sabeeka Lambe from Moms methods  (thank you for handing over the trail to me)… You can also follow her on Instagram and  Facebook

Also check out Surbhi‘s Post on Periods. You can catch her on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

Stay healthy

Stay Happy

 

Why won’t you tell…?!!

Why won’t you tell…?!!

Whenever I sit alone.. I start getting the memory flashes of how we grew up together, how I learnt so much form her, how pretty she was and in such brutal circumstances she passed away. A Letter to her, for she could have talked…

“Hey U,

Where do I take this infliction in my heart, 

Where do I go to find my shining Star…

These three years have moved at their pace, but my life stood still. Why you didn’t talk..?!. when your heart was engulfed with those harsh words, why you didn’t look around. I wasn’t away, we always loved you more than the world. 

First day when you were told that you are not beautiful enough for their son, you should have told them to go and look for some mirrors..

 The day you were told, you ain’t a cook that good, you should have stopped cooking.

The day you were told, your family is a disgrace, you should have called it a time-out.

The day you were told to kill every happy nerve in you…YOU SHOULD HAVE MOVED OUT..!!

I can’t forget those uncomfortable eyes across the Tea Fumes. Today, when I sit and realise what they were looking for, there is no use of extending hands. You are gone too far to come back and hold it.

I can’t forget that restless voice when you couldn’t find his T-shirt. That wasn’t a crime, why were you being punished? We couldn’t imagine those cuts on your hands, were deliberately made when a glass accidentally broke by you. 
They were socially insecure for they couldn’t be as amazing as you were, for you were too good for them,  for we loved you so much.They were just jealous of the people you’re closest to, also your dreams and goals because they wanted to control all aspects of your life. All you needed was reaching out to us just once, we were right there, beside you. Only we couldn’t realise when you went into that deep black hole alone. You shouldn’t have agreed upon being a prisoner in your own house.

I wish I knew it then, I would have reminded you of how good you were, I would have been with you, not for a minute, not for a day but for every second that followed. Their statement of we won’t support you was not true my heart. We are family, we are friends and we were bonded together.

Wherever you are today,

we still think of you,

we miss you.”

Emotional abuse, takes away many more lives. When we don’t see the bruises from outside, we tend to stay quite, its there personal matter. The  emotional abuse usually gets enlarged as physical abuse as well.

Few People are born that way. They will hate you if you are beautiful or if you are not so beautiful, if you are successful or if you are not so successful. They will hate you if you are right or even if you are wrong. They will hate you if you are popular or also if your a back stage person. They will hate you when you get attention. They will hate you when people in their life like you. They will hate you if you have courage. They will hate you if you have an opinion. They will hate you when people support you. And they will do this while they post prayers and religious quotes on Facebook for you. All they know is how to hate and hurt.

P.S. : This blog is also a part of the Blogathon series #ALettertoher started by Women’s Web to create awareness on domestic abuse and asking for help is a good way to get out of it. 

I would personally refer the book When I Hit You by Meena Kendasamy – At once the chronicle of an abusive marriage and a celebration of the invincible power of art, This book is a smart, fierce and courageous take on traditional wedlock in modern India.

 

Always talk and reach out for help if needed

Stay healthy

Be A Child Again: My Parenting Mantra 

Welcome aboard this blog train – My Parenting Mantra. We have some awesome bloggers who are going to drive it for over a month. We promise to bring you some enriching contents that will add to your own parenting experience.
Thanks to Shalu who blogs at Dreamer mum for introducing me. You can read her entry for The Blog Train Here

To Meet all the moms who are with us aboard, Click Here

Well! I won’t say I always knew this parenting Mantra of being a child with the child, but that’s how I am.. behaving kiddish is a part of my personality. Once my MnM ( Meher n Myrah -2.5 year twinies ) were born, it gave all the more reasons and excuses to behave kiddo. 

Within no time I realised, it made my life so much easier and fun. Every month they were growing more to demand some new entertainment and to become more difficult to handle everyday. 
All you need to keep your sanity is stay a little insane, behave a little abnormal and be a child once again with your little one. 

  • Add a tint of excitement while introducing a new food, even if it’s GHEEYA, TORI or some not so delicious preparation, present it to the child with utter excitement and ‘WOW’ factor… the kid will already be in love (unless of course if it’s cooked really bad). 

  • Let them be involved In everything we do, some mess and some fun makes it easier for child to learn and remember.. for smaller kids, it even helps in development of gross and fine motor skills. Toddlers take themselves as the grown ups. For them, they are those big guys who can handle everything on their own. In fact, they can fix your stuff too (given the chance ).

  • We dance for 15 minutes daily, where no one else is looking at us, play our favourite beats and we throw ourselves as and how kids want.. we mess with our paint brushes, create cards and make people happy.
  • There is a lot of patience involved of course. But once we accept the way their minds are wired in, It’s easier to understand why they behave so, and it’s so much like living our own childhood again with better senses. My own stress levels have reduced manifolds since we became same age. 

 
Well I won’t say we chill all day or I am a baby and wear diapers with them but allowing them some fun and staying involved in it is making our bond much stronger as they feel mommy is their friend and then as we read post from Shalu, gentle parenting adds more to it.

Enjoyed reading My Parenting Mantra? Don’t forget to read what our next blogger moms  Nayantara And Sabeeka who apart from being a blogger also happens to be my amazing friends. Click their names to checkout there blog posts about their mantras 

Happy reading 

When the man you love is from another planet…

When the man you love is from another planet…

While growing up we always heard that opposites attract. Somehow life also gave a couple of examples. But down the heart I knew I like intelligence and Truth fullness the most, weather a person is like me or the other polar.

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Generally speaking, Birds with same feathers always fly together and I believe generally this is the reason cast system originated and people started marrying within the casts because different cast meant difference in opinions.While the first thing that we consciously become aware of in meeting someone is their physical appearance. Then it has to do with a feeling, an instinctive sense of the qualities and tendencies that may be invisible to the naked eye or to our conscious awareness, but are recognized by a kind of inner radar that identifies and responds to someone on a subconscious level.

I was 24, when I got married to him. He is intelligent, smart, handsome and loves me a lot too. Ours was an arranged marriage so while deciding to say yes for each other, all we knew was  that we were extremely comfortable with each other and felt to just let it happen.

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But with the time we realised, we were poles apart by nature. I am an extrovert, highly energetic, fitness freak, super social,  less sleeping chatterbox and all of these in a hyper altitude and he is one sleep head with totally non-social nature. But by the time we realised this and started facing issues, we were already in love with each other too much to give up.

There were a lot of different issues I faced in initial years of my marriage like he will hate going to my family gatherings, he won’t come shopping with me, he won’t come meet my friends, he didn’t have any circle so i was practically socially cut out.I am a person who ‘ll spend 80 out of 100 Rupee that i have and ‘ll keep 20 just till i receive my next hundred. But he was a person who ll spend just 20 and so many more.

Initially both of us tried to change ourselves to fit in to each others’ line of thoughts but that did hurt us so much internally that I went in a depressive state. After few therapies only we realised where we were going wrong.

We loved each other so much and all we needed was little bit of tuning. We learnt so much from each other. He made me more balanced, more confident on what i used to do. I made him to look at relations more emotionally, he learnt being responsive in relations. Professionally I started handling people much better.

30-051326-how_men_and_women_fall_in_love.jpegSo what we did was we started adjusting with each other. I am not saying compromise  but adjusting. There is a fine line between the 2 words and when you love someone you adjust to make it a happy relationship. We decided on letting me make my circle without him, I also stopped pushing him in gatherings. Basically we started supporting each others nature. We stared spending Rs 50, not 20 nor 80. We literally worked it up by mutually gaining a balance.

I still get sad a lot of times when he doesn’t understand, when he still asks me not to go somewhere but thats how life is. Even I put him in spending more on me, on kids and on family as well.It’s the difference that makes relationships edgy, dynamic, exciting and sometimes a little scary. There is of course, very less difference between “a little scary” and frightening. And there is a fine balance between having enough danger in a relationship to make it stimulating and to keep it from dying from a lack of excitement.

and 30 made me wiser…

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My Darling Husband surprised me with a party as I turned 30. The cake too read “THE DIRTY THIRTY”. It was naughty and fun party during which a couple of my girl friends threw few realisation bombs on me like

 > no more getting young and pretty > get more responsible with kids and planning their future > life is not just fun anymore.

And I was taken by a turmoil of thoughts in mind and butterflies in my stomach.

How much ever we deny but this is true. 30 is an age when you need to become if not serious, but at least responsible. Responsible enough to take care of your kids and family and to think about future. FUTURE..!!- Does that mean planning my old age..? I am 30, may be I have maximum of 30 years to live or may be lesser. More than half of my ‘Healthy‘ life is over. The life where I am by myself completely and would love to be same. The next hit was when I realised that these years all I did was studying, made friends and few enemies, did ok professionally and all this tit bit that may be everyone does. I live in a big joint family, have wonderful babies as I planned and now what. 

That day I realised what it means when we say life is too short. Certainly it is. What if I have only 15 years more to live. There are so many people I haven’t met, so many places I haven’t been to, so many things I haven’t learnt yet and so much I wish to do.

It felt like I wasted so much of time just being envy of someone, by being annoyed with someone, expecting from people, creating issues, cribbing over my MIL, cribbing over how my life could be or how it was once upon a time, how I didn’t enjoy my vacations coz i didn’t know swimming and the list was endless. 

But i think thats how life is, thats what being young is, thats where we go wrong sometimes. Next 2-3 days went in contemplation, and then I started working on making it worth to live, not to prove it to anyone but for myself to live happily.

First of all i needed to feel content. How I was, how professionally successful I was, how my husband used to behave, how fit I remained…all that is not there anymore, and its ok!! Change is the prime law of life. The more I thought, more acceptable it all became.

Once great poet ‘Mirza Ghalib’ quoted,” kuch is tareh maine zindagee ko asaan kar liya… kisi se maafi maang li, kisi ko maaf kar diya.” ( I did little something to make my life easy, To few  I apologised, to few I forgave.) These words are so beautiful and now I understood how easy your life gets with this mantra. I know it feels like philosophy only but really a little bit of effort and life is so happy.

Expectations are necessary to keep warmth of relations but when they are not met, it becomes a heart pain. So i better keep my life neutral and not so much filled with expectations. I do what i feel to do, rest i don’t. People dislike the attitude but its not possible to be perfect or to keep everyone happy. The key to make world a better place for myself and kids was to keep myself happy. That certainly needed a lot of work and effort.

First step was to feeling my worth, then it had to be “I am OK, You are OK ” deal. Today I have stopped putting effort in making my image perfect in front of people. I work on making myself happy, I work on making my kids happy, my husband and in laws might not support my thinking, but sometimes they adjust and lot of times they have to. My life can’t go waste thinking upon how my aloo matar came out today, it needs to be better. it needs to be worth more. By worth I don’t mean I need to get back to work. I should get old happily, I should die content. I want to learn baking, photography, hair styling, nail art and what not. I ‘ll soon do some of them soon to find a happier me. Few steps here I follow now to help myself achieve this:

* Do not focus of when people don’t like your way. A life well lived is the best revenge.

* Stop trying to control other people’s thought processes. Focus on self, as thats what is in your hands.

*Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. All we look for is a closure and peace.

* Create distance where the strings do not match, who wants arguments.? No one is bad, its just the mismatch of personalities.

* Try and earn to LET GO.

I hope I could make my point to a bit. My life is easier, I hope yours get too.

Get me some Love…

Get me some Love…

“Don’t you look gorgeous..!! Have you lost weight..? I guess you are back to your pre wedding look.”Said her very own brother in law standing a little too close, close enough that she could smell the scotch and feel a little uncomfortable. She stepped back and said, ” No bhaiya, i am just a few kg fit, still 10 more to loose, whats happening with you, party party..!!”

But NO he just wanted to look at Shanaya and keep talking to her. It left her little confused. She could sense a different air between her and the darling little brother in law. As this got repeated a couple more times, she was sure even more. To her surprise now she was enjoying that. She was not avoiding him, neither was discouraging his action but definitely she was not supporting it.

Then finally one day she asked herself, what am i doing to him and to myself. Why she was not discouraging those acts, why was she enjoying what was happening repeatedly. He was too younger to behave so.

I believe that married women often end up in such situations to find and hold on to a long forgotten or unknown sense of self that feels valued, loved and desired by a partner.The problem is that they find something they may need, want and even deserve in a way that takes as much as it gives.A neglected, emotionally abused wife is ripe for the plucking to any “rescuer” who comes her way. Because he listens, sympathises, validates her, compliments her, or may be just gives her a little attention….all the things she needs from her husband that he should have been doing for her but wasn’t.

In the routine cordial of our lives, we stop appreciating, we stop giving that importance to that one person who is responsible for our present and whose present depends on us too. We often get to find men who fell in the charm of infidelity but lesser of women. Reason is not that women are more true in relationships BUT that ours is a society where men can still be forgiven but not a woman and hence they stop themselves as they say on the right time, at the right step, still keeping themselves unhappy, un appreciated and less loved.

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Its not an issue thats based on being a man or woman, its a relationship issue. Shanaya loved her husband and the kids to infinity but for once she was moved by that one small step taken by her brotherly being. That was not an attraction she had but that dissatisfaction she was living with.

Be it a man or a woman, God has given everyone a desire for a loving relationship with there partner. It’s a longing, a reaching out after, a powerful emotion that moves one to pursue a genuine, heart-to-heart relationship with the better half. We need to be little considerate, little affectionate, little  expressive and i think very importantly little young and fun loving.

We see so many loving couples departing just because they loved playing blame game more than getting quite sometimes, because no one wants to take that first step leaving the boredom behind, because sometimes ego takes over love.

Small things like cuddling, saying a happy hello and goodbye, a little compliment, once a fortnight date nights, once a week proper conversation over dinners etc can add that little something required sometimes. Marriage is so beautiful if handled with little delicacy and some expression.